Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
