i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
