My brain says no but my pants say off.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
