If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
