"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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