even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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