Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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