Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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