I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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