You work out of a Hotel?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
