so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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