forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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