I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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