seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
