My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
