My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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