The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
