i love accidental penises.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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