she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
