I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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