awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
