Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize