I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize