He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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