So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
God, I missed his penis.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
