He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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