remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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