the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
