If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
