If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize