so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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