The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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