Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i think i just naturally attract stoners
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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