the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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