I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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