Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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