Where did you get a picture of my penis
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
