don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
