Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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