He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
