Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
