Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
