I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
