So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
