Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
