dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
