Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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