Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
