Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
