I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
