your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
His nipple licking is glorious
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