this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
