girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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