Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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