I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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