You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
