I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
