I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
