Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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