I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
