jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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