So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
