so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
This house was built for laser tag.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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