i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
