you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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