I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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