did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize