I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
