It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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