I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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