I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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