I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
