I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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