Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize