remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize