This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
