My first STD was from a foam party
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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