Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
