Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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