you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
