First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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