the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
