I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
