At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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