the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
