I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
