You work out of a Hotel?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Four minutes until I can fart!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
