the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
