Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
