We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I didn't notice because vodka
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
