Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
