The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
