Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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