ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
