im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
