i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
