I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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