Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
