We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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