how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
